fional

2010-09-19T00:55:00.002+08:00

it's the last few mths alrd, but it seemed like everything changed so much.

gradually.

and still i cannot get used to this.

i guess some part of me wants this to return to how it used to be.

when i felt like you guys were my friends.

and now i somehow cant help but feel like im the intruder, the outsider.

i do know for a fact that you still treat me as your friend, but the closeness we once felt doesnt exist anymore. well, from my viewpoint anyway.

my mind keeps shouting at me to write you a letter to tell you how i feel, but im scared things will go awkward between us.

so here i am, typing this post, dedicated to an anonymous friend.

i missed you friend. really.

2010-09-05T22:16:00.001+08:00

We are just as happy as we make up our minds to be.

2010-08-07T20:39:00.002+08:00

everytime you hurt me like this,

it's like a million knives stabbing into me,

and i think, why not?

just do the real thing,

and maybe i would be better off.

im sick of crying so much,

and thinking about death when it happens.

no matter how many times,

i still dont get numb to this.

maybe you care less than i do.

cos apparently you dont care enough to stop hurting me.

2010-07-18T22:26:00.003+08:00

i just had a mental breakdown ytd night.

one min i was whiny, the other i wanted to jog arnd the neighbourhood, contemplating on whether i shd bathe, wanting to learn the dance steps to Gee, laughing, and then finally i just cried.

cool huh. never thought i would see this day.

my results are so horrible i dreading telling my mom abt them.

when she said she may not be free to go for ptm, i breathed a sigh of relief. but then i realised,

she's still gonna meet my teacher another day.

she's still gonna see my report card.

so yeah, fuck this.

2010-07-02T01:05:00.002+08:00

hi ron wasssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppp.

liberation day is finally here,tho i felt liberated since the sart of sch holidays alrd.

naise.

i cant wait for so many things.

i feel a teensy weensy bit happier now. finally. hah.

no,actually alot more!

((:

2010-06-21T01:44:00.001+08:00

anw HEY EUNICE I FINALLY EMAILED YOU YO!
CHECK UR MAILBOX!
:D

less dependence, less procrastination.

i just feel this is not balanced.
both sides need to contribute.

2010-06-18T21:58:00.002+08:00

I'm a weird one.
anyway hey, I missed you, but it shouldn't be like that.
I need to stop, because the reason for this has become blurred.
it shouldn't be forced by external factors.
I feel loser-ish.
whoo.

2010-06-07T00:08:00.001+08:00

i dont want to keep lamenting.

but i cant help it.

pls dont get worse.

i need to be a happy girl.

i think i deserve to be.

2010-05-28T02:53:00.000+08:00

we were nothing to begin with;

2010-05-26T01:13:00.002+08:00

HANNAH.
I'm not happy that I can't access your blog.
NOT HAPPY AT ALL.
haiyooooo.
:]

ECONS, SCREW YOU.
tmr anyhow whack.

i wana hug all of my beloveds!
<3

2010-05-22T22:33:00.002+08:00

scareddddd.
this word applies to everything I'm feeling now.
I'm scared of alot of stuffs right now.
:/
I hope I don't run away again.

2010-05-22T00:45:00.002+08:00

everything's making me sick.
I didn't know it's that obvious.
let's make this clear okay,
from day one, I was never a fan of all these bullshit.
I just tht maybe, maybe there's hope for a good change.
well, you really proved me wrong.
and as I sink myself in this shit,
you start making me gag.

this, is where I lose myself.
:|

2010-05-16T20:35:00.002+08:00

oh wow.
i think i just did smtg bad.
gahhh.
eunice, if u see this, i miss you!
imma pen an email to you soon okay!
i swear!
confirm damn long one.
just wait!
i missed you anw!
econs exam is coming and im damn screwed.
:/
im typing notes for econs but im not even sure if it works, blehhhhhhhhh.
and i think i lost my econs tuition notes!
why do i keep losing and forgetting stuffs!
D:

i cant wait for june hols anyway ((:

picnic, kbox, massive studying, training camp [bleh], movies, seeing my awesome friendsssssssssss blurb blurb blurb. heee. :D

2010-05-14T22:59:00.002+08:00

I hate to overthink stuffs.
I get so uptight and confused and my mood gets affected.
but sometimes my gut instinct's damn strong!
bloody shit.
I hope tmr turn out well.
I wana bear hug everyone.

2010-05-14T00:16:00.003+08:00

you think I'd know,
but the truth is, heck I know nuts!
]:
this is screwed you know.
I'd rather choose to not see you.
at all.
oh i wana eat the DOUBLE QUARTER POUNDER BURGER!
oh & I wana watch The Losers!
I love us((:
but I'm rather confused :/

2010-05-09T00:01:00.000+08:00

this sucks.
I want to throw away every part of this.

2010-05-02T20:44:00.002+08:00

it's been an emotional ride this past 2 weeks.
from worrying anxiously,
to seeing,
to being sad and helpless,
to being scared.
and occasionally contented and happy.
I'm thankful for the non-happenings of the could-have-beens.
at least you are what you are now.
we're all praying for you.

2010-05-02T02:21:00.002+08:00

I wanted to give you a hug.
blehhhhhhh.

2010-04-30T21:41:00.004+08:00

I've never BOTH cried and laughed this much in cj before.
and both in a day.
in a span of 2hrs.
1hr we were talking and crying,
another I was with another bunch of people laughing my ass off.
it's amazing how things can turn out so differently in a span of one week.
and it's amazing how crazy jealous I could be over smses.
zzzzz.
so I choose to avoid it.
walk ahead, look away, keep quiet, check my phone, get sian-ed.
avoid just so I can stop myself from speculating and imagining too much.
you know what the thing is??
I'd rather know now so that i can stop playing mind games with myself.
so that i can get it over and done with and finally let go and thus won't be that sad.
maybe one day I'm gonna ask. like, straight in your face! heh.
ok no that will nvr happen cos it'll be super weirdddd and I'm a coward.
:|
I need to meet you Hannah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm over my love interest anyway, cos we're nvr gonna meet again lol.
omg iron man 2 is da bomb!
scarlet johanssen is freakinnnnnggggggg hawt.
*sizzle*
ok tmr's gonna be a nervewrecking and productive day. hmph.
imma be strong.
am not going to cry.
comeon comeon fional you can do this, you're not a weak person, you're not a pessimistic person either, so think on the bright side!

2010-04-26T18:27:00.002+08:00

my pri 6 ex-classmate called me ytd to ask if i was free and i said yes.

but when he mentioned that it was to celebrate another ex-classmate's b'day, i told him i wasnt close to her.

later on dawn smsed me to ask me abt it also, and she mentioned that the guys were planning to have a SURPRISE celebration for her.

when u think of SURPRISE b'day celebrations, wont you link it to close friends?

i didnt even exchange 5 sentences with her since graduating from pri 6.

somemore expect me to go HER HSE and smile so wide that it's so fake and sing her a b'day song, while bad memories of her come flooding my mind?

and when i say bad, i mean bad.

rawr.

it was a horrible experience.

and ok i know this is thick-skinned of me, but so far my ex-classmates attempted to organise small gatherings to celebrate some of our b'days. but i was abit sad when they didnt attempt for mine. and now they want to do for someone i dont really like? freak.

im sorry, i just need to have my hissy fit.

gahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

okay. im fine now.

now im awaiting for dione to tell me that there's an extra ticket for me!

and i can go watch a concert in a proper concert hall! in NUS! :D

whoohoo.

with dione!

((:

we both need best friends therapy right now.

you're a superficial biased bitch who thrives on gossip. im starting to not like you. hmph.

well, i think im a bitch too. :|

i thinking suicidal now.

2010-04-26T18:11:00.002+08:00

okayyy, today, imma complete my gp essay, start on probability tutorial, and read through hydroxy and carbonyl compounds.

who am i kidding???

argh. see, came home at 3+, but now it's 6+ and im typing this sort-of-motivational msg to myself.

nb.

ok, no more vulgarities.

use what the FISH, or kns, but no cb or nb or the eff word.

yay.

ok i just decided to type down my essay using microsoft word.

cos i dont think i will ever get down to holding my pen when im using the lappy[to research on gp essay DUH!]

2010-04-23T00:19:00.001+08:00

im simply delighted! yayeeyayee((:

if it could occupy my mind for tmr, then it's another happy day!

2010-04-18T22:22:00.003+08:00

i could say that i tried, but we both know that it isnt.

things dont go the way we expect it to be.

i could shut my eye, and maybe ignore everything else.

but we both know that im a liar, im good at lying to myself that everything's ok.

i could have you by my side, and make myself happy.

but we both know that im a selfish bitch, because your heart's just not with me and you're not happy, so, how could i?

i dont know what to get for my brother's b'day :/

what happened to the days where we could go out and do miscelleanous stuffs?

i missed all of that.

i dont think my dream of going overseas with my friends aft A's is gonna happen.

eunice and wanchen went to study overseas.

dione hannah huizhen they all will go with the losers.

our class wont go DUH.

rawrrr!

i love herbal essence, it smells so goddamn nice.

i have an abrasion on my elbow.

damn la.

comp on tues!

gonna own everyone ahahah.

ok at least show the rj ppl that i got it in me. am not some loser with a yellow tip belt.

ROAR!

bought an umbrella photo stand!

i think jialing will be jealous of me cos we both love it when we saw it in urban write!

am going down to parkway tmr to develop photos to make my umbrella pweettty ((:

2010-04-10T00:03:00.002+08:00

i think tmr will get worse.
my mom wasnt supposed to go for PTM.
but i think tcp called her and they arranged a mutual timing wtf.
IM FAR KING SAD/ANGRY/SCARED/ANXIOUS/DREADFUL/TIRED.

2010-04-09T00:45:00.002+08:00

later will be a hell of a day.
I was alrd crying abit on the way home just now, then decided to spring a surprise visit on Eunice.
there's bloody NAPFA. cross my fingers and hope it's 5 items.
I won't have the fucking mood to run.
I can't be alone with my thoughts luh.
running just makes me more alone than ever.
cos it's just you and your willpower.
bought a couple ring, alrd can't wait to collect them tmr. it's goddamn nice.

2010-04-05T21:20:00.002+08:00

hey, can we be best friends?
I would really love to know you.((:

2010-04-03T21:35:00.003+08:00

omomomomo I just decided to try my luck again, and now I can finally blog from my itouch!
yayness!
ok, just let me immerse in this awesomeness for awhile.
.
.
.
.
done(:
anyway, I still can vaguely rmb the previous dream that I talked abt.
but I wish I can forget it, or rather them :/
it suck balls sometimes, imagining what could have been,
but knowing that it's NEVER gonna be happening.
it's like some drug, knowing that it's detrimental to your being,
but you just keep on consuming it,
contented with just a small dose of it every time.
but when the effects start to wear off,
that's when you know that you're in the pit.
just because,
this time you know how's it like to have happiness on your tongue,
and this knowledge makes you even more aware of what could have been,
and you keep wanting more of it,
but you know it's sooo wrong!
and then the vicious cycle repeats again.
ok I think what I'm describing now is wayyy deeper than what I'm feeling.
just feeling inspirational all of a sudden! (:
heh.
eh how.
oh today i did complex numbers!
it's the first time in eons I did my hw on a sat! simply because I don't have judo today heh. it's holy sat I think?
I always feel damn shag aft training so i will usually sleep the afternoon off.
but my hw progress is damn slow!!! didn't even finish complex 3 tutorial!
cos I was going through the whole lecture ppt slide to make sure I understood EVERYTHING. but I couldn't say that for myself now since complex 3 still looks alien to me.
and statistics is getting stranger and stranger to me, and more far away than I can ever reach and comprehend.
gahhh.
I don't understand why scientists make life hard for themselves.
why not just be laid back and enjoy life?
:/
ok, shall conquer complex 3, tho I already can't get past qn 4!
D: URGHHHHHH!!!

2010-04-03T19:29:00.002+08:00

day and night
i am always tired

but at night
i stay up just late enough
until i am exhausted enough
until i can fall into my bed
and into immediate slumber

beacuse i cant stand
to lie in my bed in a dark room
alone with my thoughts
for so many hours

2010-04-03T05:11:00.003+08:00

" Women wants a guy

who respects our independence but still care for us;

who is secure but gets jealous;

who listens to us but asks us to shut up."

i got this from cougar town.

heh, this is so true.

but it's dead confusing, esp for a guy!

i pity them ahahah.

"Our story has 3 parts: a beginning, a middle, and an end. And although this is the way all stories unfold, I still cant believe that ours didn’t go on forever."

-Nicholas Sparks!!! <3

2010-04-03T03:26:00.002+08:00

here's a list of where i want to go:

1) Wild Honey[mandarin hotel]- where they sell breakfast all day round, considering that their breakfast serving is quite large, and i heard their pancakes are reallll gooooood.

2) Pocketful of Posies/Greenhouse Cafe[vivocity]- it's a florist-cafe[have u even heard before of this kinda shop?!] where the seats there are wooden planks hung to the ceiling with rope, just like a seesaw! :D

3) Spruce[tanglin rd]- which is a restaurant, bar & bakery! the atmosphere there is awesomely great cos it's close to nature ((:

4) Hide & Seek[telok ayer]- can seek out all the fashion novelties there!

5) flea market- i want to go to a flea market. any kind, anywhere! i have never gone to one before, and eunice promised to go with me but she's already leaving next fri, so i hope she regrets not bringing me!

6) Supperclub- it looks mad crazy! i think i go there get intimidated only. hannah, you go see see look look their website! www.supperclub.com

i decided, since i cant afford travelling arnd the world, i should zoom in and instead focus on a small city level, and find these amazing cool novelties! makes my life enriching ((: only tho, it will burn my pocket. heh.

2010-04-02T16:59:00.002+08:00

whoo, it's been like, arnd 2 weeks since i last used the laptop!?

ahah, but i still do access the internet thru my itouch.

so maybe i shd chuck my itouch one side too.

when term 2 opened, i was dreading it.

really really really dreading it.

i thought i couldnt possibly survive 1 term's worth of dreading sch, facing the darn great temptation of ponning sch, and meeting mid-yrs face-on.

but well, so far term 2's been treating me fairly OKAY.

i didnt say WELL.

got back CTs results.

i got CUBUS[googled it-some restaurant] or BUCUS[AHAHA, it means butt mucus, runny shit!!!]

ok, here's how im goona account to my mom:

phy-B [which i think it's ok]

chem-U [im gonna say half the class failed, which is damn true!]

maths-C [im personally not happy with that, but i think C's okay on a cohort level heh]

econs-U [mr li said ONLY 6 people passed hiak hiak hiak]

GP-S [gahhhhh, i got 41 & 1/2, then they moderate to 44, and now i need one more to get an E!]

soooo, basing on everything, i guess the only subject that she should be unsatisfied with would be GP ONLY? heh.

i guess i can dream on.

anw, hannah's having a fun day @ clark quay with the losers right now while i rot at home. im starting to enjoy the comfort of my home and not lament on the fact that i do not have a life :/

oh, and my dad's back home for a visit! he came back yesterday. we are so gonna eat curry fish head this weekend ahaha, all thanks to my greedy brother!

i really cant wait to see my cousins and relatives :D

im feeling utterly sad and confused and disappointed and angry and forgotten.

2010-03-22T00:27:00.002+08:00

BYE MARCH HOLS.

YOU WERE MY LOVER.

7-NIGHTS STAND.

IM GONNA WEEP AND BE SAD.

im seriously dreading tmr.

i imagined myself waking up tmr, only to find that the sky is bright already, cos simply, i didnt want to get up for school.

part of me hope it happens.

2010-03-20T00:06:00.002+08:00

i had this sudden urge to eat a cup of instant noodles.

consulted hannah. she said just do it life is short.

then i thought, "so fat alrd, might as well die happy!"

so i ate that cup of seafood instant noodles.

nvr eaten seafood flavour in sooooo long.

tastes the same as chicken to me.

cos you know why.

it's so freaking salty, i could taste every bit of seasoning and the unhealthy whatevernots on tongue!

i guess this horrigible event would bring me to my senses.

DONT EAT INSTANT NOODLES AT NIGHT.

ahahahaha.

march holidays are ending soon.

i didnt spend it to my fullest, considering that i dont have bloody homework to rush and CTs to study for, but at least i get to stay at home and SLACKKKKK.

yes, slack is what i need.

ah well, im here to bade early farewell to my beloved march holidays.

sighhhhh.

holidays are always a scam.

2010-03-12T03:16:00.001+08:00

life could be better, could be worse.

2010-03-05T21:32:00.003+08:00

omgosh i found the damn stylish and homey store i saw on city beat!

it's called ROCKSTARS and it's located in cineleisure.

http://www.soleobsession.org/component/content/article/4-articles/303-rockstar-by-soon-lee.html

love it love it love it.

didnt even finish exploring EVERY CORNER of the shop, before i had to leave because the movie was starting D: D: D:

but seriously, the stuffs there are goddamn expensive!

i saw this pair of TOMS but they cost $98! [whoo, madness!!!]

apparently for every pair of TOMS bought, they will donate a pair of shoes to a needy child.

still, i dont approve of their price! tsk.

so heartpain.

THAT pair is plain awesome awesome awesome.

and i like this cute pencil case from there too. $16.90! :O

and and! i saw the The Sartorialist book IN THE FLESH!

i want it i want it i want it i want it.

gahhh, i was so sad to leave the place.

anyway, watched alice in wonderland with jean, timothy and malcom[new friend!].

not my kind of genre, but still nice and quirky heh.

i was shocked at anne hatthaway. mad shocked. damn weird. but funnily weird. AHAH.

and please, the alice inside not pretty can. i agree with timothy, she looked more like a ghost.

brrrr.

ate kangkong for both lunch and dinner. eheh, i will soon get sick of it i think.

felt my knee getting loose the whole way. ahh, cos i decided to take out my knee guard, i thought my knee deserved to get a breather. but it felt like my knee could give way anytime whenever i go down the stairs :/

omo omo omo omo omo i wana watch dear john!

couldnt watch today bcos of the damned timings.

i adore nicholas sparks ok.

how he could describe New Bern, North Carolina [i assumed he resides there] in so many different ways in his books astonishes me.

how he could write so many romantic novels but yet retain each story's individuality attracts me.

not one of them failed to touch me((:

5 of his books are already adapted into movies!

FIVE!!!

The Notebook, A Walk To Remember[never fail to cry], Nights in Rodanthe[havent got to watch it], Dear John, The Last Song.

Dear John is a must-watch for me!

The Last Song looks damn nice too, tho i gag at the fact that miley cyrus is playing the female lead ahah.

but it looks nice! and i spotted a hawtie inside hahaha.

ooh and Letters to Juliet is damn appealing too.

omgosh, im such a romance fanatic. haiyyy.

how i wish The Wedding could be adapted into a movie too.

then i will be contented for the rest of my life ^^

wanted to send out a sms today, but found it so hard to ):

actually i already pressed the send button, but because the reception so damn bad underground, i decide to cancel sending.

it's still in my drafts :/

2010-03-02T20:30:00.003+08:00

today i had a weird dream.

a dream that consisted of so many random people that i dont even want to type it down here.

if dreams reflect reality, i must be going mad.

my eyes haven't really gone back to normal, there's still abit of swelling here and there.

gahhh.

cant imagine sch tmr.

see some china dude.

bet i will laugh my ass off.

my legs feel weak, cant imagine the 4-storeys climb up to the classroom.

and down. and up. and down. and up. and down.

aiya, dont know how many countless times can alrd.

i dont feel like going to sch. rawrrr.

2010-02-28T15:18:00.002+08:00

i swear, my heart's gonna pop out soon.

it's thundering so hard like, whenever.

gahhh.

2010-02-23T17:50:00.003+08:00

my life is a lie.

school is a scam.

i feel like a fake.

gahhh.

and i still feel nauseous, i really dont feel like going to school, and there's judo tmr! ):

what if someone threw me and knocked the wind out of me, and in this case it's not wind but vomit?

euwww.

i just wasted 2 days of my life feeling nauseous and oh, obviously study was not done at all.

cos i feel so crappy inside.

ytd i got to know that rockafella is this fri.

and my reaction was *sigh*

why did i even pay for the ticket in the first place??

i feel i got better things to do then go to a stupid concert where i know noone, and probably our class wont even hang out as a class. and even if we do, we'll be hanging out as a bunch of losers.

anywayyy, im loving the black and limegreen mouse that i bought on sun!

and and, is it even remotely possible for your heart to beat faster and harder when you're reading storybooks? and it's not even adrenaline rush.

there's econs test tmr!

argh.

noone really cares you know. noone.

2010-02-21T14:49:00.002+08:00

im going to m'sia to visit my dad during the march holidays from the 13th to 16th!

cant wait. papa says if he's free he could drive us to genting! then maybe finally we can take the rides in the outdoor theme park le!

ok im just excited whoohooo.

my march holidays will be all play and no work.

gotta mug hard for common tests! 15 days counting down.

gahhhhh.

i just bought an itouch cover for myself. relatively cheap. $29.90(:

but i feel heartpain.

30 bucks lei.

boo.

2010-02-17T20:52:00.002+08:00

holiday mode now.

i feel so slackkk.

cny was ok, this yr we saw the same people for like, 3 consecutive days!

sangu, ahkim, trina, darren, davis. eve, chu yi & chu er.

hahaha. even stayed over at their house on the night of chu yi, and we went to 7-11 to buy thai tom yam cup noodles after watching 200 pounds beauty!

OH and sangu & yidiu went to IR's casino to win big money big money. OMGOSH, SANGU WON $7500 OKAY! he even went to buy the annual membership card worth $2K. :O

anyway, i rmb one of the days i suddenly thought of gong gong, and i missed him ):

when you're young, you're ignorant.

when you're older, you start to regret.

gahhhh.

won $2.50 in total playing black jack with my cousinsssssss.

heh, big money big money eh.

yesterday we went to sarah's house!

her dog ellie is so cute!

i played street soccer on the xbox 360 whoo! first time eh! and im not bad, i only lost 1-0 to cedric.

i cant believe they found cluedo boring! it's damn fun luh, and so detective-ish, gives me the thrillllll.

sarah's mom cooked ikea meatballs with the gravy and pasta for us. whoo~ love it.

think im gonna buy and cook it for my family one day! :D

got off at tanah merah and saw bernice, hafeeza, jinmeng, jiatian, yuting and nurul!

hahah, love them((: we're all screaming when we saw each other luh. i even went back up to the platform just to take a look at each of their scandals la tsk. so manyyyy.

this cny holiday was funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

better yet if we could collect more money. heh. money money money.

2010-02-02T21:15:00.002+08:00

i hate facebook, it'so laggy, and it's even tell me that certain parts of its websites doesnt exist!

it't not like my friends deleted their accounts or what right!

wahlao i damn pissed now la.

and and, i've not been doing anything since i came home till now.

not forgetting from aft sch till before i reached home i also didnt do anything productive too.

that's bad.

im such a slacker.

haha, i realise it's been a long time since i called myself a slacker.

heh, maybe im improving!

great job.

now all i need to do is to start doing work, cos tmr will be a busy busy day!

tuition hw, studying for physics e. field FA, blah blah. argh.

i cant wait for march too!

i swear im not going to study during the march holiday.

seriously, u study so hard for common tests, and then u get back ur results, and TADA the holidays are finally coming and u want to resume studying??!?! it's only one week for god's sake!

not like you wont be spending the time trying to finish the enormous heap hw the crazy teachers will pile on you la!

haha, somemore, my b'day week lei, gonna go clark quay. no. matter. what. ok, why do i have this strong feeling that it wont happen?

choi!

2010-02-01T21:43:00.000+08:00

im so sad i wana cry nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

2010-02-01T21:29:00.000+08:00

i want to kill myself.

i dont know how i will survive this whole year.

2010-01-28T21:37:00.000+08:00

suck it up guys, suck it up.

2010-01-27T20:56:00.003+08:00

when i packed to move house, i chance upon the 4C "b'day gift" that each of us got.

inside were words penned by my classmates. reminders of past memories and experiences.

how many times i see the words "bubbly", "lame", "cheerful", "fun" used to describe me, but it doesnt apply to me now.

even jean and chin hong[considering that im not that close to him now] says that im diff than when it was the initial part of last year.

so my friends! help me! i need soothing therapy.

sometimes i cant stand being laughed at. sure, i do get laughed at in cedar, but in cj, it feels more like mocking from certain people. gahhhhhhh i dont know. i feel so ostracised!

2010-01-22T22:40:00.004+08:00

i drag my body from bed everyday, unwillingly, to climb 5 storeys high to my classroom. and then to climb down another 5 storeys to do some reflections dont know for what, because to those who bent their heads and prayed together, most of them dont even practise what they preached. and then i climb 5 storeys up again, to see my home tutor who has a damn great possible future in the bus driver industry. seeing him makes me wana step on his face. lectures and tutorials are absolutely boring, with the exception of ms yang's lessons. her sweets are my motivations hahahah. our maths lecturer looks damn constipated when she's waiting for answers from the audience, and her stomach plus her dressing is so off. sometimes i think she's pregnant and sometimes i dont. our physic lecturer is the bus driver, who finds so many cb videos just because he knows his presentation contents arent good enough, and who stupidly switches off all the lights when he plays them. stupidest shit ever. our econs lecturer is so full of herself that she's damn pro at econs and still is, at her age with whole head of white mee fen, that she just yaks yaks and yaks, and ZOOM, noone is able to catch up with her. oh and her ppt slides are so sacred she's not willing to upload on col@c, nor let us view it for like at least 3 mins so that we can copy them into our notes. kns. chem lecturer, who is our own teacher, is, sad to say, boring. he's weird, bet his friends all ostracised him cos he bans SHIT in his dictionary.

in class, everytime i talk, ronald chiam will always butt in with a spastic comment that makes everyone laugh but makes me look stupid. and then they will laugh AT me. others can do the stupid things that i accidentally do, but wont get laughed at as much as i do. i get belittled. i struggle so much. im fighting internally everyday. i just dont know what im fighting for. i feel so alone. now hannah's gone to be an ogl, and she's the happening one while im not. and to think i took comfort in the knowledge that we WERE in the same boat. gahhhhhhh. im trying to stop myself from proclaiming that I HATE CJ/CJ SUCKS BALLS, be it whether i say it out loud or there's a loudhaler[idk how to spell it] shouting it out in my head. im starting to embrace JEWDO, and so far i've attended 3 trainings! bloody shit, wed's training was madness, did frog jumps, i preservered on ok, just that yiling was the one to call me out to do squats. and guess what. my legs got swollen the next day. at first i tht my muscles expanded overnight, but sarah say got no such thing. but when i got home my ankles really looked swollen! just went to see the doc, says it's overstrain of the muscles. see la, who ask me not to exercise for 2 mths plus! suck balls. oh btw, IM EXCUSED FROM 8 DAYS OF PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. i bet alot of ppl are jealous luh. anw, i've been asking everyone if they're interested in watching BREAK OUT! but apparently noone's interested. either that or they have no money or dont even know what it is. it's ART. haha ok no it's not. i didnt want to mention this when i asked people about it, but it's on my 18th birthday! i feel so sad now D: i guess it's kinda an expensive way to spend my birthday tho haha. but dione and i are saving up! we have 2 long mths to save up! dione was the only one who's willing to go with me la, and she watched JUMP before too. i love you dione. anything for you friend((: at least im contented. all you losers, screw off. haha joking! you're still my friends. i just asked eunice when will she be able to pause studying for awhile to meet up with me, and she replied "after As?". wts, idk whether the stress level has got to her mind and she's just exaggerating or she really means it. if it's the latter, im gonna jue jiao with her la. ok NO i wont. tmr's the moving of house. whee. idk what to expect. heard from my mom there's alot of kachuas there. i hate kachuas! bahhhh! i dont even know which room im taking. my brothers will want to take the one with aircon luh. i've not slept without aircon in a longggg longggg time. ok im out. tmr's a longgggg day.

2010-01-12T23:22:00.001+08:00

im fucking depressed.

2010-01-08T18:03:00.003+08:00

i was listening to my itouch in the mrt, and it was until like, a few minutes later before i realise that the music has stopped.

wts.

i think mr chan thinks im stupid or blur or slow or whatever shit. he keeps asking "understand?" and just looks directly at me. like, he doesnt even glance across the classroom when he asks this. also, he will ask me "fiona, ok?"

wahlao, my face that stupid meh. i tried many times today to keep my face expressionless, but he still keeps asking me.

somemore, got new students like ronald and cedric, and according to him, not-so-good-in-physics students like jama, but i still get asked the most.

kns.

cedric randomly asked me what's my shoe size during class. i told him 5 or 6, and then he said what about that? *pointing to my "shoebag"*

walk your dog la wedric.

i dont know if it's just me, but mr chan looks like frankenstein to me. serious. but he's damn hilarious la. ultimate suan, ultimate gg.

i called shawn shawn while i was passing by his school after tuition. called him, but he didnt pick up. and then when he finally called back, he told me he just got on the bus! we could have gone home together!

dang.

oh, when i came out of the toilet just now, shawn shawn randomly asked me, "jie jie, are you really 18 this year?".

i IMMEDIATELY knew what he was thinking okay!

so i quickly said, "yar yar, i know i dont look like 18, act like 18, behave like 18..." blah blah, i forgot what i was blabbering about la, my defense was damn weak[no, it's not even one]. and my brother didnt need to say anything further, cos i was producing his side of the argument already.

gay shit.

me and hannah set goals for ourselves yesterday.

one was that we could only watch max one hour's worth of videos online everyday.

she got sad. hahah, and best, i introduced to her this awesome website [www.tvgorge.com] that i got from mer.

i just received a message from her telling me to watch cougar town.

so now she's hooked hooked hooked. to grey's anatomy, to cougar town, and to many others which are on that sinful website.

hannah, how are we ever going to achieve our goals.

im gonna rebel against these goals man, it's my nature.

freak.

my mom dont treat me like an eighteen-year-old you know.

i gave up registering for SATS halfway cos it was so mafun, had to create your very own profile, fill up all your personal information and whatnots. ask you about your GROUND POINT AVERAGE, my RANK, when im already so ignorant of all these. they ask you what COURSE you're interested, and then when you choose your course, you still have to choose your MAJORS! wahlao, i myself cant even imagine my future, not mentioning knowing the path or route towards achieving my goal[WHAT THE HECK IS MY GOAL?!?!?!] haha ok, i didnt give up halfway[but i was about to], it's the website sign me out, cos my time at the webpage was up. heh.

but wth, seriously, i dont think im ever going to receive OOH! a surprise email from some overseas university offering me scholarship. that's if the pigs can fly, the cow can jump over the moon, or me not being a woman and not getting menstruation for the next 30 years! so WHAT THE HECK AM I EVEN CONSIDERING PAYING TO DO SATS?!?!?

wahlao, like i damn rich like that.

i was on the mrt to tuition just now, and i saw this army guy. seeing him just made me confirm that im a sucker for guys donned in their uniform. they just look so good in it. hahahahah.

ooh and im seriously in love with the glee's guys' mashup of It's My Life and Confessions Part II!!!

i was smiling to myself while watching their performance okay. makes me happy haha ((:

"everytime i light a fire in my life, you'd find a way to burn the forest down."

2010-01-07T20:52:00.003+08:00

eunice came to my house today!

whoohoo. watched eagle eye.

okay, it's quite nice luh, just that i never liked this kinda story plot.

heh, maybe cos i get frightened by it? like, the movie makes it seem very real, like it can happen in real life hahah. haha so i feel abit scared scared.

hahahahahah!

ok fine.

i wana go overseas after A's.

but. me. no. money.

rawrrr.

dang.

oh and and, we watched gLee! damn nice ok i tell you. now even eunice wants to watch it.

yay.

shawn shawn came back in his cat high uniform.

he looks so weird in it.

like, the uniform not fitting for him sei.

he still looks like a primary sch student to me.

he always have been. somemore, he so short!

haha but he still looks cuteeeee ((:

fuck, my mom's having her bloody mood swing now.

bloody shit. scream. bang. stomp.

i have a damn strong gut feeling that im gonna turn more rebellious.

since my father's not gonna be in s'pore.

i should go learn yoga or something. cultivate my inner peace.

2010-01-07T01:44:00.003+08:00

i just found like, fur in my comb, combined with my own hair.

wtf, i feel like im becoming a monster of some sort.

somemore one whose dropping having hair loss too.

hahahahah.

the internet's my kingdom.

the whole day spent using my laptop.

mwahaha, i feel like a loser right now.

shucks, the hp peeps are going to collect my laptop for repair.

im gonna get a new battery and have my laptop fixed!

for free!

imba.

too bad the free battery is only limited to one year's warranty only D: boo.

but i still get 3 years' warranty!

still imba.

hahahahah.

mayeb by then im gonna get a mac.

mac seems like it has more of a personal touch to it.

heh heh.

my mom wants me to pass mr chan a gift[an organiser i think], for you know, coaching me, that i improved so much in physics.

but im so embarrassed to pass it to him!

wahlao, dont know what zac will say luh gay shit.

sianz.

anw i bought a MY STORY BOOK.

so now i can write many many things in that. and create my own stories hahahah. ok this is rubbish.

i just like the nice pics inside. and the whole outline and style of the MY STORY BOOK.

i sent jean an email. dont know how she reacts to it. and she hasnt replied!

rawrrrr.

hannah told me she feels like she's spoiling. i feel like my brain's spoiling that's what.

rawrrrrrrrrrrr.

2010-01-04T15:21:00.003+08:00

im happy i have amazing memories from last yr to keep it with me.
im really grateful.
well, time for 2010.
one word- DIE.
maybe i will last through, considering my slacker attitude.
shit, i really need to change.
lasting through this damn yr is different from lasting through my whole life.
freak.
anyway, im getting uptight over turning 18.
it's like, 2 & a half months' time.
!!!
maybe it's cos im still holding on to the best times of my life, and turning 18 just makes me feel more distant from them.
or maybe i know im starting to feel the pressure/burden on me, A's, SGC, graduation, university applications, blah. and turning 18 just makes it real, that "hey, im 18, time for me to get serious.", whereas 17 gives me some leeway to slack whenever i want to.
it's nearing adulthood.
D:
help.

2010-01-01T02:43:00.002+08:00

YAY I HAVE BEEN AWAKE FOR THE PAST 36 HOURS.
WHOOHOO.
KUDOS TO ME.
ARGH, I THINK I WILL DIE DURING THE CHALET.

2009-12-30T00:51:00.002+08:00

i've been thinking alot these past weeks.
i dont know why, i do most of the thinking just before when i wana go to sleep.
now, i always have to lay in bed for at least 2 hrs before i finally snore.
arghhh. rawrrrrr. D:
i feel so lazy to do anything these few days.
pack my stuffs, study, get my laptop fixed, wake up, or even to move around.
wah damn sian!
aha now im also lazy to blog or upload pics.
sianzzz.
anw, im going to mass upload photos aft cedar homecoming day!
whoohoo!
cant wait for it.
gonna see my homies just hours later whoohoo!
tmr and thurs's gonna be awesome.
haha well, for fri till sun, i dont know.
maybe it'll be fun. maybe.
heh :/
just talked to rachel.
JANG GEUN SUK ROCKS BTW.
WHOOHOO.
i just got an adrenaline rush whee. hahah

2009-12-20T21:03:00.003+08:00

GUESS WHAT IM DOING NOW.
IM PRINTING OUT THE HOLIDAY EXAM PAPERS, EVEN THO I KNOW I WONT DO MOST OF THEM.
IM A FREAKING LOSER.
I PRINT FOR SHOW ONLY.
FREAK FREAK FREAK.

2009-12-18T23:30:00.003+08:00

omgosh.
i feel like a potato couch now.
been eons since i logged in.
oh guess what. i went on a beef streak.
Batam trip -> sun supper, steak. mon supper, steak. then on wed, aft we reached s'pore, went with kj and kirk to eat at astons. duh steak. and it was bloody bloody.
ALL STEAK.
on sat, collected pay, so rewarded myself with a meal from cafe cartel.
it's no wonder they only have one dish for beef. the steak there sucks. tastes like those vegetarian restaurants where they made the beef from-dont-know-which-MATERIAL.
then on the day itself, had dinner at my aunt's hse. she cooked indonesian dishes. beef again.
KL trip -> sun night, ate at a jap restaurant. had sukiyaki, duh, beef again. mon night, ate at tony romas, ribeye steak. tues night, ordered room service, beef bolognese pasta.
im going crazy now.
im scared i have some mad cow disease i dont know of.
and and, when i came back on wed, i went to the doc's because my stomach wasnt feeling well. whatever i ate, i vomitted. felt nauseatic the whole dayyyyyyyy.

today's fri alr.
life's boring ttm.
:/
my mom wont let me out for play i think.
i dont even dare to ask her.
and she owes me my atm card since like last mth, since the day we got back our report card.
and guess what!
i reminded her just now, and she says she will return it next yr.
like wth? the holidays are NOW! not next yr!
omgosh.
oh and wanchen called me in dee morning when i was asleep.
i talked to her for arnd 1hr 15 mins!
haha i always talk to her for so long.
and and, she painted such a nice future for me, living in canada.
i feel more motivated now ((:
tho i still dont wana start on my homework :/
nor start on packing my stuffs.
pffff.

2009-12-12T01:22:00.002+08:00

batam trip was an eye-opener.
but it was the funnest on the last night.
when we karaoked for 2 hours, and played sleeping pig till 3am!
whoohoo!
shall upload photos when im free-er.
dang, have not packed finish my bag.
im dead.
tmr gonna collect my pay!
whoohoo!
:D
i'll be rich.

2009-12-04T01:34:00.001+08:00

argh.
the most weirdest thing happened to me just now.
im weirded out now.
i need counselling.
i need to erase my memory.
shoo shoo shoo.

2009-11-30T22:17:00.002+08:00

this pc show really opened up my eyes.
not that it hasnt for the past 4 times i've been working there.[i dont even know why i still go back even when it's ultimately tiring and the pay is REALLY hard-earned money]
but it's worse this time. dont know why :/
hannah janice and justin worked with me this time.
it was good experience.
on the other hand, bad too.
soooo many bad side of people.
shocking.
life's fucking screwed up.
im glad i called that vile person a bitch. in her hearing range.
hannah, 我帮你出一口气!
oh wells, i earned more money this time!
happy.
hannah stayed over yesterday night ((:
we had our so-called slumber party hahahah.

2009-11-25T01:46:00.002+08:00

i just saw 1T15's Batam OCIP's photos.
okayyy, it made me a teensy weensy egg-cited for my own class' batam trip.
hahah.
oh wells.
i cant begin to think of what hannah can do at my house!
heh actually there's not much she can do.
shall we cook?
i feel like it.

2009-11-22T01:25:00.003+08:00

i dont know where to start.
haha i think i shall start later, in the afternoon then.
now im waiting for my brother to finish bathing.
if i didnt have to remove the make-up and wash the dye and glitter off my hair, i couldnt be bothered to bathe at all.
HOHO i told trina they all that i was planning to "sleep beautifully"=> by not removing my make-up and all.
and then i can have my "beauty sleep".
haha i cant bear to take out everything. then just like that, wash down the money.
shoosh.
life's greattt.
haiyy, suddenly this thought came to me.
now that the wedding's over, what do i do now???
this event has been the thing i have been looking forward to for the past whole month!
so what now.
:/
shall post pictures on facebook asap!!!!!!!
took LOTS LOTS LOTS.

2009-11-18T00:44:00.001+08:00

omg im visiting ppl's facebk to see pictures of them and their other half hahahahahah.
i feel like such a stalker.
much to catch up eh.

2009-11-18T00:06:00.002+08:00

awwwwwwwww. i just saw the wedding invitation on my mom's table.
apparently it's held in shangri-la rasa sentosa resort.
the only beachfront resort in s'pore.
and oh, what's the glitch here? i get to miss staying there.
niceee.
i know im complaining here like some shit-ass.
but it's so saddeninggggggggggggg.

oh wells.
im running out of money!!!!!!!!!!!!
life sucks.
fional, you're gonna earn big big big humongous money during the pc show.
set.

2009-11-17T01:07:00.002+08:00

im going to bugis with eunice and jialing tmr.
to. go. collect. my. dress.
im. so. excited.
!!!!!!!
shall wear a smaller bra.
later the bust area cant fit me again.
:/
sexayyyyyyy.

2009-11-17T00:36:00.002+08:00

HEY EUNICE BABE.
YAR FIRST TIME. IN ALL THE 5 YEARS WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER.
I SHOULDNT FEEL HONOURED.
YOU SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED.
HAHAH.

ANW IM NOT GOING TO STAYOVER AT SENTOSA ALREADY.
I FEEL SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.
I PITY MYSELF EVEN.
)x
D=
):
D:
)=
MY MOM TOLD ME, "ACCORDING TO THE MARKET PRICE", FOR THE ANGPAO, EACH FAMILY HAVE TO PAY ARND $120-$150 PER HEAD.
LIKE WTS, THERE'S 5 IN MY FAMILY, SO WE HAVE TO PAY $600 IN TOTAL???!!!
SO YEA, NEED TO SAVE MONEY, NO SPENDING ON OUR STAY IN THE LUXURIOUS HOTEL IN SENTOSA.
BOOOOOOOOOO.
I SWEAR IM GONNA EAT MY FILL.
MAKE MY $120 WORTH.
EVEN THO IT'S NOT MINE.
OK, MAKE MY PARENTS' $120 WORTH.
BLEH.
NO MORE EXCITEMENTS AND THRILLS THIS SUNDAY I GUESS.
)x
D=
):
D:
)=

2009-11-16T00:57:00.002+08:00

i want to see an orange grass field in real life.
it looks so darn nice on teevee!
everyone's like going overseas. and experiencing snow.
korea, taiwan, japan, europe, us, rome, australia.
im going to kuala lumpur D:
and i went to genting last yr, which we didnt get to play at the theme park[which was the whole damn purpose] because of the freaking fog[it's on a bloody mountain!]
what next, i think next yr we going malacca. then next next yr to ipoh.
by the next 10 yrs i think i would have toured finish the whole of malaysia.
whoo.
i keep on telling my parents to "why not dont go this time, save up the money, so that we can go to a better place?[like for instnace, taiwan?]"
haiyy.
i feel like a frog, in a well.
haha. i want to experience snow!!!
i cant die not experiencing!
oh wells.
i just gave my other half to dione to help me enjoy herself to the fullest in korea. and bring back jang geun suk. and snow too. haha((:

oh yea and xingyu, i dont love you.
too bad.

2009-11-15T23:42:00.003+08:00

yesterday's post was orgasmic. HAHA, so long.
anyway i went to read my older posts and realised the great difference between then and now.
i cant believe i said "love them((:" [them referring to 1T18]
wts.
and everything's changed.
the closenes between me and xingyu, between me and ronald. *poof*

anw!
GUESS WHAT!
i cooked today!
i made the shrimp balls.
it was stinky, so i used a plastic glove while mincing the prawns :/
then i decided to take it out to roll them into balls, bcos it was so inconvenient.
so...i cooked the shrimp balls, vegetables, and egg with the small fish[idk what's it called].
nice.
and i cooked rice too.
haha told my mom that i was going to start on my cooking adventure this holiday.
gonna learn to cook more dishes.
and sheeeettt, my hands stink of prawns and garlic. TILL NOW. BOO.
really hate the smell! D:
think im gonna ask chloe for the cookie recipe that we used to bake the cookies last time, then i shall try baking cookies in my toaster hahah.
toaster omgawd. people use baking oven and i use toaster.
nvm, i shall break history. [wait, this phrase sounds damn wrong. and i cant find the wrong here, sheeetttt.]

2009-11-15T00:07:00.002+08:00

next week next week next week!
so excited!

sheeeettt la, just rmb abt the freaking sms from junlong.
wts, training on mon, wed and sat.
WHAT THE SHIT.

i really dont feel like going sei.
i wana go out.
see huh, mon-judo, tues-going out with eunice, wed-"high tea" & judo, thurs-cycling, fri-nothing yet, sat-wedding, sun-staying over in sentosa.
SEE! so packed!
ahh shucks.
fingz, i hate judo.

hannah just asked me to watch friends.
since i have nothing to do, i shall.
hahah! (:
and i just told mer that im gonna be a fierce loan shark and get the money from people who's going for the chalet!
ROAR!
HAHAHAHAH.

oh yea, talk abt my hibernation.
did it, done it, whoo~
slept at 3am yesterday i think.
then woke up arnd 9+ to my bro's noisiness. went to pee.
slept till 2+ to pee and then i think i laid in bed thinking for arnd 1 hr.
then i went back to sleep till 7pm!
whoo!
so, it's like, 15 hrs of sleep.
NICEEEEEEE.
then i had 2 instant pizzas for dinner.
i was feeling carnivorous!
haha shit, just now my intention was "famished", and then i typed out "ravishing" instead!
it sounded weird to me so i went to google it's meaning.
luckily man.
i would have looked like a fool saying "i was feeling ravishing!".
hah!

anw.
here are my plans for this coming sun.
wake up to a sunrise on the beach.
play beach volleyball with my brothers and cousins.
build sandcastles.
spot hawt angmoh guys.
go sentosa cove and see dee beautiful and awesome homes there.
and spot more hawt angmoh guys.
hahahah.
ok im day-dreaming.
i dont think they allow non-residents into sentosa cove.
well, hope i can have a great time in sentosa this coming weekend man!
gonna take pictures pictures and more pictures whoo~

OH AND RONALD CHIAM I WILL ONLY CRY WHEN YOU DIE.
THAT'S HOW EASILY I CRY.
LOL.

huizhen's email was random and sweeeet.
i experienced so much sweetness in a day haha, even tho i wasnt even awake for most of it.
and guess what.
my mom went out with shawn shawn to buy her dinner bag for the wedding dinner.
only to come ack with not only the dinner bag, but also earrings, bracelet, another dress and shoes.
the dinner babg-$3oo+
the accessories-$30
the shoes-$85
fingz, idk what's wrong with her!
it's just a dinner bag!
not like she bothered to buy any last time!
and then oh now she wants to buy one, and costing so much!
and it's not like she's going to attend many more expensive dinners to come.
i tht she would buy smtg cheaper. seriously.
ok i think im over-reacting now.
haha and i bought a black bag on fri.
guess how much?
$12.
niceee.

2009-11-14T21:01:00.003+08:00

ohmygosh, i just opened my inbox, only to find a message from ms angelina tan from facebk!
HANNAH, did she send u a msg too??
omg at first i read it and i tht she mass-sent the msg to everyone from 4C.
and then i saw the part where she mentioned npcc.
whoa.
i dont even listen to her lessons.
:/
i feel all so guilty now.
sheeeettttt.
but she's so niceee.
at least i always smile and greet her when i see her okayyy!
she's so niceee.
she's so cuteee.
just like a small little girl!
hahahahah :D

okie, just replied her with a super uper duper long email.
yay yay yay.
hope 4C has a class gathering soon!
aonan better not go back on her promise eh!

shingz, i dont know why, the paste function doesnt work in blogger.
shingz shingz shingz.
shignz is stupid.
maybe i should change it to fingz.
fingz fingz fingz.
see, now it sounds closer to its real meaning.

my brother is damn kao-bei.

2009-11-14T00:29:00.003+08:00

heh. this weekend will be stay-at-home-and-rot days.
awesome eh.
i really dont think i have much to do except use my lappy. or maybe sleep.
maybe i should hibernate, since i have not done it in eons! sleep off 18 hours straight!
sounds fun! hahah!
i dont feel like reading the books i borrowed from the library :/
blehblehbleh.
shit, something's wrong with my laptop's battery.
it's mad. 2 minutes passed and 3% of it was gone in a flash.
MADNESS. *shakes head*
hah, maybe i should name my laptop and get engaged to it, just like janice did, so that it can be loyal to me eh.
HAHAHAH! but their relationship's gonna end soon, cos alan[janice's fiance] was too weak and sick.
:D

ate zhi char with 1T18[well, part of them] just now.
i love the kangkong! but i didnt manage to get my fill of it, cos there's like 9 ppl sharing one puny plate of kangkong. -.-
kangkong kangkong kangkong.
i hope it can appear in front of me now. D:
nada.
9 minutes and 14% is used up! OMGAWD. :O
anw jeremy just joined my gang, janice is going too i think. whoohoo.
lololol.
what fun.

chester's gonna leave for kuching tmr.
aww, i will miss him.

2009-11-13T00:52:00.001+08:00

i like your deep voice.
i like your eyes.
i like your singing.
i love you!!!
hahahah lololol, this is so funneh.

2009-11-12T23:12:00.002+08:00

i webcam-ed with wanchen ytd.
wow.
technology brought to life hahahahah.
we talked for like, arnd close to 3 hours.
whoa.
she looks different. haha her new specs is niceee.

AND I FINALLY FOUND MY DRESS.
WHOO.
IM SOOO EXCITED FOR DEE SENTOSA WEDDING!!!
WHEE WHEE WHEE.
AND IT'S CHEAP WHICH IS GREAT.
lalalalalala.

2009-11-12T20:49:00.006+08:00

went back to cedar ytd finally!
missed ma'am chew so much! and mr chia toooooo. now he laughs at the jokes he makes. last time he doesnt okayyy.
ma'am chew looks so...tired. so...i dont know. =/
jiatian, jialing, yuting. hafeeza, dalila and fionat were there too ((:
gave them a hug eachhhhh!
haha tested the juniors on manharness knot.
what fun.
had to leave aft that to go kbox!
haha but before that, i bought waffle stick[black pepper] and chesse waffle. omgosh, yum yum, never ate it for one year already! mmm-mmm ((:

and these were taken on tues! right after op ended whooho.

anw we went to toy'R'us! only huizhen and rodnet expressed enthusiasm when i suggested going there D: boo.

look at dee 2nd pic. "THIS IS HOT". AND IM DEE ONLY BEING IN DEE PIC. SO IM HAWTTT.

AWESOME. x)

2009-11-11T01:03:00.003+08:00

i was happy, and then i was depressed, and then i was happy again.
me too lazy to go into details.
me wana sleep.
haha omgosh, im learning this from janice. shush, such bad influence.
anw! met hannah's classmates justin and rodney today.
epic funny.
rodney revived the old me by making me laugh till i dropped my saliva, and i teared abit.
niceee.
justin said i have an insane glee in my eyes.
niceee.
i was so touched just by the presence of huizhen and hannah ((:
made me wana cryyyyy. D:
i missed them so so so much you know.
we sat at vivo's sky deck and talked under the sky[cos there was no bloody stars].
hannah was trying to make me stop saying "what the shit". she wants to transform me to become more girly. the irony.
i almost forgot huizhen's cleft lip stunt! HAHA. hilarious, and she's shameless enough to show it in front of justin and rodney whoohoo.
forgot to give them a bear huggggg. aww.

cant wait to go back to cedar tmr. have to meet sirius. rocks my socks.
and then going kbox with dione jialing milissa yingsi.
how awesome is that.

did people-watching while waiting for hannah today.
hot guys, nada.
HAHA.

2009-11-10T00:31:00.002+08:00

NG PING ROCKS MY SOCKS.
OMGOSH.
HE'S PLAIN AWESOME.
WHOOHOO.
HE MY FREN.
HAHAHAHAH.

2009-11-09T22:07:00.001+08:00

why live out your life in deceit, denial, and without control.
it's pathetic.
take down that mask.

2009-11-09T21:14:00.003+08:00

ronald chiam's itouch is so kewl!!!
inside got way nicer games than mine!
i guess i have no life, cos the only pleasure i derive from my itouch is the music -.-
i should make use of all its functions manzxzx. make it worth my money.
nvm! thou shalt go download funner games than chiam's ones. heh.

i wana be the lucky person and get sentosa cove! then whoohoo, $50,000 will be in my hands.
BOOMZZZ.
oh yea, what does shingz mean ah. i keep on hearing shawn shawn saying it. o.O

just finished watching autumn's concerto.
D: D: D: D: D:
epic sadness.
epicly depressing.
boo, i cried till my nose was running. then my bloody room no tissue, had to pause the show and spoil the whole sad mood to go find a bloody tissue. haha obviously i was trying to hide from anyone, how could i ever let anyone see me cry out of nowhere man.

my brothers are now bonded by their mapling and dont-know-what-other-shit-games.
tht chester was over the games stage, but *poof* now he's hooked onto it again.
they have no life. unlike me.
op op op op op.
niceeeeeeeeeee.
*crossing my fingers & toes*
TMR'S DEE BIGGG DAYYY.
BOOMZ

2009-11-07T23:29:00.002+08:00

my mom paid my bro $2 per toilet he washes.
so i offered to help him.
haha so i conquered 2 toilets man.
COME ON EVERYONE BE PROUD OF ME.
haha and my mom said since i helped him, she will split the "salary" among me and shawn shawn. what a puny salary.
obviously, i was noble enough to give up my share of it to shawn shawn haha. since he's so poorrrrrr thingggggg. HAHA.
seriously, now i know i have another route paved in front of me. i can go be a cleaner if all else fails. whoohoo.
yayness.

2009-11-07T19:14:00.003+08:00

oh yea, just remembered. we saw JADE SEAH at far east ytd.
gosh, i didnt know she's sooo longggggggg. like, when i passed her, she's standing one head above meee.
how can anyone be so longggggggggg!
fate. haha.

2009-11-06T22:25:00.005+08:00

woohoo, finally went out with hannah today! (x

had lunch with her mom. seriously, her mom's damn damn damn cute. she makes me laugh man.

she's indecisive and animated. all in a cute way. hahahahah!

oh yea, she said i have nice eyes and nose, and she got all excited when she saw that i had dimples HAHAHAH. i feel so flattered whee. OH AND I JUST REMEBERED, SHE SAID THAT I HAVE A SWEET FACE. hoho, hannah, i love your mom already. <3 HAHA.
we lingered arnd far east the whole day! haha i finally bought my killer heels. 10.5 cm HIGH.

haha i almost died wearing them. gotta get used to it i guess. and hannah oso bought a damn awesome shoe! just didnt fit me, if not i would have bought it toooooo haha. oh wells, a least now i look way way TALLER than i am. heh (:

oh yea, bought a necklace for $5.80 only. niceeeeee.

and that's all i spent on today, well, including lunch and dinner too luh. just couldnt find my wedding dinner dress! dang.

hannah's classmates are damn kewl and awesome luh. the girls especially. whoo~ exude coolness and character. HAHA. im nothing. and their class are planning a class trip to genting! what fun!

see my class. WHAT FUN.

2009-11-05T00:25:00.004+08:00

im excited for the upcoming batam trip.
nope.
im excited for our supposed class chalet.
nah, not a chance.

thanks.
you've made me change alot.

bring me thrills man.

2009-11-04T21:27:00.002+08:00

haha, i managed to find a loophole in cbox and now im able to type the word SHIT in my tagboard. woohoo.

anywayyyyyyyyy, today was rainy rainy rainy.
rained. stopped. rained. stopped. rained. stopped.
i like it when it rains! haha, but i also dont like it =/
it's so so so nice to sleep! [tho i didnt just now D:]
but it will only get my shoes wet and my legs dirty!
dang.

my father just told us that his company was thinking of sending him to m'sia.
well, his pay will be increased definitely, and they will provide him with a house and a car over there.
i feel kinda sad D:
but everything's not comfirmed aint it.
i just have mixed feelings about this =/
oh wells.

i got my contacts!!!!!!!!!
awesomenezzz. ((:
i told my mom im going to work in the pc show.
she didnt say anything so that means im allowed to.
but im gonna MAKE SURE she keeps to her word. i damn scared after seeing my results, she decides not to let me work just for that reason =/
so! im gonna make sure make sure make sure.
ahhhhh.
i hope hannah will be able to work with me. i hate the stupid resume thingy.

2009-11-03T00:51:00.002+08:00

not worth a second glance.

anw!
i was smsing dione just now. and it was raining. so i told her it was "raining lollipops and snowflakes". haha such a nice idiom. i created it one. whoo.
i feel like haveing candy floss now.
i want to ride the pirate's ship.
show everyone my screaming prowess hahahah.
i want to play carnival games without me spending a dime.
i want to buy an awesome wedding dinner dress [not wedding dress!] and killer heels.
i want to have a 6/4 outing without me spending so much effort planning. but at least they dont disappoint me like 1t18 do. they make it worthwhile.
i want to have a 4C bbq at vanessa's condo so that mr goh can just come over with his dog and join us in the fun. aonan's supposed to plan! oh wells, after shitty peeW.
i want to see sirius so so so badly. im sorry i couldnt make it for campfire manzxzx. been such a long while since i saw them! missed them real baddddd. i want a group huggggg! <3

peeW sucks to the extreme core let me tell you that.
you've pumped up ur engine and chionged thru promos.
and then when it ends, ur engine slows down, gradually coming to a stop. that's when you take a break.
and poof! before you know it, you have to pump up ur already tired engine again for another bout of peeW. imagine the screwed-up-ness and the unwillingness.
it takes exceptionally hard work for me to pump up my engines. seriously crazily hard. that's why im such a slacker.
i really hate peeW.
but i love my grp((:

2009-11-02T21:42:00.002+08:00

autumn's concerto touches my heart.
i cried like, 3 times just watching one episode.
and the melancholic songs make you even sadder.
boo D:

i look forward to mondays and thursdays and fridays now.
whee~!

hannah's friend, justin, just said im very rowdy. D:
OMG HANNAH'S GOING TO WORK WITH ME AT THE PC SHOW.
WORK. WITH. ME.
SHE'S. GOING. TO. STAY. AT. MY. HOUSE. TOO.
WOOHOO.
SERIOUSLY.
WOOHOO X INFINITY.
awesomeness man.
im happy as can be((:

2009-11-02T00:11:00.002+08:00

hahahah.
so far, today alone, i have heard 2 of my frens are soon going to go steady.
what next, maybe hannah? [great possibility] dione? huizhen? eunice?
funny man.
and oh im a ugly shit living in a land of wealth. haha i established that fact with dione.

im feel blessed with great friends.
whom i know would 包容me, do stuffs that touches my heart, and many many many more awesomer and great stuffs.
i love you all. ttm. times infinity to the power of infinity.
X infinity ^infinity.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

oh and now im crazy over "you're beautiful" and "autumn's concerto".
been introducing this show to lots of ppl.
~whee~ i live for them. hoho :D

2009-11-01T20:35:00.002+08:00

gonna restart everything from zilch.
maybe this time i will be stronger, and more resistant.
cos school's gonna end!

i realised ex-cedarians have to wear dee blue uniform for cedar homecoming!
haha i rmb my skirt was spoilt!
oh wells, sure i can dig another one out. and alter it, since now we dont have to touch the damn knees and i can say my legs grew longer hahahahahahah!
going to work in the pc show i guess.
need money money money.
anw i rmb my mom told me that she wont allow me to go shopping. but i dont rmb if i was just dreaming my mom said that or that it really happened.
anw, the thing is, i responded to it by having a fit this morning. i was semi-conscious [was sleeping], but i can vivdly rmb myself thrashing and tossing abt in bed. and shawn shawn said he woke up, heard me thrashing in bed, then slept, and then woke up again to hear it again. so it went on for quite long i bet. aiya i dont know what's wrong with me.
going crazy i guess.
but it's like serious thrashing and tossing man. =/

dione just said she cant imagine my 小鸟依人 & 斯文 face.
haha bullshit. i can be demure.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

2009-10-31T16:29:00.001+08:00

hi babes.

2009-10-29T23:23:00.002+08:00

nothing's there, nothing's there, nothing's there.
it's non-existent, it's not-existent, it's non-existent.
im just day-dreaming, im jsut day-dreaming, im just day-dreaming.
woohoo.

2009-10-28T22:16:00.002+08:00

whatever happened today was a bad and an unwise thing to do.
woohoo, nice one fional. now you have made yourself fall down the well of hopelessness even deeper.
whee~
dont be too happy yet.

2009-10-27T23:21:00.003+08:00

i improved by like, 5 grades, from U and achieved B for physics!
haha im kinda happy((:
i think most probably i will be promoted, but since things arent set in stone yet, have to wait for the results slip next next week D:

i said that if i ever do get promoted i will study way harder next year. but if tcp's gonna be my tcher again, obviously i wont bother to listen luh. cos he's plain hopeless.
anw im really going to study harder next year. trust me. haha.
i hope wayne and janice dont get retained
i felt so sad and worried just now. i really really hope they do moderate it by like alot alot.
i dont want my class to be less than 26 ):
ahh.

yesterday had fun kboxing.
but my voice started going unsteady like after an hour already.
boo.
oh wells. i had fun laughing into the mike hahahah.

tmr's going to be a sad day.
i dont know why, i can predict it already.
my gut instinct.
op's not prepared. HOW.
haven done I & R. HOW.
haven started on chi. at all. HOW. i think im getting complacent for chi. shit fiona, what are you becoming eh. a piece of shit. okok. tmr i must start my engine. choo choo, chuga chuga chuga...choo choo...
no more afternoon naps till like aft monday. comeon, it's only 6 more days.

2009-10-25T20:36:00.003+08:00

fri was just plain boring.
no inspiration for chi mock.
got back chi promos paper, 吴老师was like saying, "诗慧, 你退步了啊."
haha.
everyone was mentally drained for peeW, so cancelled the meeting. weilong's so smart that when we called him, he knows that we're intending to cancel le. cheers.

yesterday was kinda fun.
watched my sister's keeper, FINALLY. with my mom and trina.
dont mind watching it again cos it's sooo touching.
went to trina's house and had steamboat! it's ther housewarming party haha. and their house is just plain awesome. they spent like $100K on renovating plus furniture. whoo.
didnt plan to stayover initially cos had pw the next day.
but oh wells, djj was staying over, so i just went along haha.
and then my aunt went along, followed by my mom.
damn funneh.
and then my cousins[staying in that house] went to stayover at their another cousin's house.
so the whole house left my aunt, uncle, their daughter, my mom, me, my another aunt, and her daughter. whoo.
6 girls one guy. whoo.
haha trina was useless, she was too tired already to stay up late.
showed djj russell peteres video! damn hilariousss.

today had pw meeting.
whee i made it to vinc's house, all.by.myself. yayness.
haha i was too tired.
took like a half an hr nap while sittingon the floor and leaning against his wardrobe.
ate. discuss. discuss. discuss.
slept lying on the floor after doing my part. gosh, i dont know, i got the "car-sick" feeling the whole day. and im such a pig.

oh wells, tmr's gonna be a disaster.
op dry run 1.
getting back gp results.
whoo.

2009-10-23T23:08:00.002+08:00

cedar homecoming!
woohoo.
i wana go!
i shall attempt to make this a good memory of this year.
whee ((:
anw hannah hannah hannah!
thanks so so so much.
you rock my socks. my mood has lightened.
haha((:
you said you wana crash my house aft peeW. haha let's see if it will come true first.
i have become so cynical lately, cos everything is failing lately.
ahh.

2009-10-22T21:03:00.005+08:00

my mom's goal: for me to get top 35% among the cohort.
my goal: to pass promos and not get retained.
so you see, all this is bullshit. our ideals were never the same from the start.
she said she's going to confiscate my laptop if i dont achieve her goal, and currently, she's grabbing onto my atm card for dear life.
she said if i needed money, she can withdraw it for me.
and she knows that im going to use my atm card to pay for a bag i bought online.
so, the irony?

my father buys like all the tidbits supplies and snacks in zee house.
so since i dont want to talk to him, i have not ate any of his tidbits, nor the toriQ chickenballs he brought back just now. kewl, i now have hope to lose weight.

i like legend and the seeker.
im starting to watch more and more of english series.
the mentalist [whoo!], privileged [finished watching it online already :D], flashforward, legend of the seeker...
going to watch america's next top model later if possible. have not started on I&R. gay shit.

econs paper is shit. today that teacher went through the answers, seriously i think i didnt put in like half of all the points needed?!? so yea, epic fail. imagine my mom's wrath.
i think she's like going to restrict my going out or totally ban me from going out during the holidays.
seriously, what the hell do i do at home? self-reflect for the month of dec?
make it a punishment for me? and then when she wants me to go out or go oh, shopping, with her, it's a total different thing. cos you see, it's not part of the punishment. like what the hell.
haha and the funniest thing is that when she dont allow me to go out, she allows people to come here. dont both of them serve the same purpose, which is to have fun and enjoy my pathetic self?
i seriously need to go out and enjoy myself before all the bloody results come back. before i lose my freedom.
haha and when my punishment comes, im not going to succumb to her.
im going to arrange many sleepovers, a bbq, a pool party, ALL AT MY HOUSE. which, she ironically will allow.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, sounds like a darn great plan to me.
who am i kidding man, i dont have a big house like arielle nor stay in sentosa cove.
haha.
or maybe im going to mass-borrow series-chi, eglish, korean, jap, whatever. then i can just watch the teevee and rot.

i want to watch my sister's keeper. and most of the guys in the class aren't interested in this kinda weepy movies. aww.
my routine for the past 3 days:
-drag my body to school
-stone at the teacher
-sleep
-not understanding wth the teacher is saying cos they jsut bloody wont give our papers back. how the hell do we rmb all our answers???
-end school at 1pm
-hang arnd for awhile in class
-loiter arnd sing post or parkway
-go home
-sleep. or use laptop.
-eat dinner
-use laptop again, either doing pw or watching movies
-sleep
and the cycle repeats. so yea, hannah dont be jealous i end at 1pm. it sucks.
cos my class wont go out even if i paid them 1 million.
or cos we have different interests.
convenience to them is the key.

i dont like my school.
i dont like my class.
i dont like my cca.
so seriously, what am i living for?
maybe i will come to like my class.
i dont think i will weep when we graduate.
no memories.
the only memorable one i have of my class is the night cycling, and it's not even half of the class.
i dont dont like the people. i just dont like the class spirit, how we're so un-spontaneous. come on, increase our entropy, and lower our enthalpy change.

im asking too much aint i.
i think im becoming a grouchy airbag.
whoosh.

2009-10-21T21:23:00.002+08:00

ok, let's be realistic now.
i have left with...
negative money in my wallet.
spent so much ytd, and then when i missed my bus today, had to take the taxi to sch. spent another $9.40.
the taxi driver was kind enough charge me 5 cents less. awww.
and now, whatever money in the wallet is my savings, not my pocket money.
wonderfulll.
and i formed a new term for pw=> urine-u-u.
urine=>pee
u-u=>double u=>w
go on, figure it out slowly.
watched year one. not nice. couldn't bring myself to laugh dont know why.
to think that i'm not following any of the chinese dramas on channel 8 & channel u at this point of time. it's ironic, cos i was following them even during the exam period when i shouldn't.
ytd hannah knew i was sad on mon, so she gave me a plaster. she said it was "to mend my heart" and to "be a plaster in my life". she's damn sweeet ((:
i dislike many things in my life right now.
but i like many other things in my life right now also.
urine-u-u sucks to the core you know. just when you could taste freedom at the tip of your tongue, urine-u-u has to come and snatch it all.
sakae sushi, movies, gyming, chalet...all seems out of the reach.
my mom told me there's 11 more days to cheena exam.
she's more worried than i am. and that is not good.
im not talking to my father and brother[chester] now. apparently the guys in the household are assholes and jerks.
well maybe except for the younder one[shawn shawn].
and i try not to talk to my mom. cos she said i create trouble. gee, thanks.
my parents has all along think that im a fucked-up case in the family.
what, cos i didnt get any of the prestigious schools aft psle?
what, cos i spent too much time with my npcc mates for the one reason being they feel closer to me than my family?
what, cos i didnt manage to get into triple science stream and that my mom had to help me appeal and then, RE-appeal?
what, cos i scored a 12 for o'lvls and got into screwed-up cjc?
what, cos i failed midyrs and that they dont get the point that failing midyrs is natural?
what, cos i have a life, as compared to my brothers?
what, cos i spend more time with my friends than chester do with his friends?
what, cos im the eldest, so "experiment" with me luh, so after i "shocked" and "prepared" them for a teenagers' transition stage, they wont be so worked up over my 2 brothers. so ultimately, i will be dee one who "shock" them the most.
seriously, my parents have given me more labels than my 2 brothers put together.
maybe its cos i wasnt born smart like chester. and nor as hardworking as shawn.
im dee opposite.
and that's what makes me.
im not complaining abt my parents now. got used to it eons ago. resigned myself to it eons ago.
im criticising myself.
my attitude towards myself is critical.
my tone is despondent.
my purpose is to put myself down.
my ultimate aim is to lament in misery.
i think im contradicting. ok i think part of it i was complaining.
hi bastard.

2009-10-20T22:31:00.003+08:00

thurs-went to cut my hair & then went to the airport with eunice
fri-arielle's b'day party
sat-went to parkway to rent movies, then to my house to see those blogshops & watch angus, thongs and perfect snogging
sun & mon-stayovered at dione's house
tues[today]-sd,break,mathslec,gp,chem. was supposed to go aj & visit hannah. but was cancelled and instead loitered arnd parkway. met up with huizhen, pokpok, layeng, huishan & hannah in dee end! woots, first time eating at billy bombers. awesome milkshakes they have there manzxzx. both cookies 'n' cream & strawberry=> n.i.c.e.
love them to bits & pieces.
haha & we counted, hannah has like 4 guys who wooed her already! good one man, hope you reach 1o haha ;p
came home, greeted my parents, talked to my maid, went to bathe, called shawn shawn, and tada, after that i have not opened my mouth at all.
watched the mentalist, was awesome as usual.
continued with marley & me, cried like shit.
and now im planning to start with year one.

goals:
1. study CHINESE. die die die.
2. start gyming.
3. get my contacts.
4. eat more healthily.
5. save up. -i freaking have like $8.50 left for the remaining week.
6. find lobang.
7. be nice and respectful and all, but now there will be no strings attached.

i hope i get promoted. please please please. i so need this.

2009-10-17T02:07:00.003+08:00

i love you till the end.

anw! went for arielle's b'day party just now.
even at 11+, there were like arnd 35 ppl [haha cos i counted the shoes]
i guess maybe 50 ppl did came.
wow.
hoho i finally like got to drink alcohol!
like, heineken[not sure i did anot], whisky[some kinda whisky, not sure what. it tastes quite nice! cos it's sweet, but obviously aft you gulped it down it's bitter luh], and hard liquor[whoa. it's just damn hardcore luh].
and i only took teeny weeny sips of them.
the hard liquor i couldn't take it and was also worried i may get drunk, so instead i drank sprite for forfeit luh hahaha. seeeee, i can take care of myself. teehee :D
no luh. i just think that if my cedar frens know bout this, they will get shocked.
or maybe it's just dione. and janice. haha.
HANNAH! if you're looking at this, let me tell you, im still guai. SERIOUSLY.
haha i cannot die not trying right. righttt. ((:
anw!
i saw chloe when i was waiting to cross the road!
haha apparently she was going back from playing tennis and stuffs. haha girl you deserve it manzxzx, last day of promos, whoo~
ahah, she and her combination of gay scientists! [well, she said one of the guys was gay but nice, and other was a mad scientist]

AND CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS, MY MOM SAID I WAS NOT TO GO OUT FOR THE NEXT 3 WEEKS UNTIL SCH ENDS COS SHE WANTS ME TO STUDY FOR A'LEVELS.
maybe the a'levels she's referring to is h1 chinese. but seriously wtf it's not like i will rush home everyday to study bloody chi rite.
i will go home, switch on the teevee, sleep, and use the com. seriously.
she's practically like letting me enjoy my post-promos period within this 5 days wts.
im going to argue my way through.
NO WAY WILL I SUCCUMB TO HER.

blehs.
and i wana kbox!
and cycle!
and shop! but i no bloody money!
and bake cookies, cheesecakes and whatnots at chloe's house!

2009-10-13T12:05:00.002+08:00

one more.
phew.
haha i cant say that for myself.
cos i have not started on econs.
and what the hell am i doing now.
advanced freedom eh.
what the shit.

2009-10-11T22:29:00.002+08:00

fional's blogging!
im dead.
im screwed up.
i wana yank my hair out, bang my head on the wall, scream my lungs out!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

2009-09-23T23:55:00.002+08:00

HAHA. i told my mom to stop trying to add me on facebook cos i will only just keep rejecting it.
and then she lightly slapped my face and said i was writing bad things abt her on facebook.
seriously, you'd think parents are mature.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
is this considered writing bad things abt her now? o.O
HEH. funny sei.

AND THANK YOU XINGYU! ((:

2009-09-22T20:52:00.001+08:00

woohoo. self-determination. training up, giddiyup giddiyup giddiyup.
next step: having no expectations.

2009-09-21T23:16:00.001+08:00

oh yea, one impt thing that i forgot to announce:
FIONALEE LOST HER VOICE.
today. officially.
awesome.